poem

Fuck Anxiety.

Maybe I should read a book.
(No. You should be revising for your exam in two weeks. You’ve hardly done any revision over the last few weeks and you’ll fail at this rate.)

Maybe I should revise for my exam.
(Yeah, but you could look for jobs, so you don’t look like a failure and lazy to your family.)

Maybe I should look for jobs.
(What’s the point? You’ll only apply for a job, wait for two days, get the “Sorry, you’re not good enough” email and then cry yourself to sleep, and do the same thing in two weeks.)

Maybe I should talk to friends.
(But they all have busy lives. They all have jobs and relationships and you have fucking nothing. NOTHING. Besides,  they don’t want to talk to you. You’re really awkward to talk to, and you distance yourself from them all of the time. No wonder they never talk to you.)

Maybe I should go for a run, calm myself down.
(But it’s too hot to go for a run. And it’s half term so there are more people around to see you and you could get stabbed or worse someone might laugh at you and then you’ll get upset and then you’ll have a panic attack and you’ll never go running ever again)

Fuck Anxiety.

Job Rejection

Dear Matt,
Thank you for applying for our job.
We appreciate your interest,
We really do.
But the fact of the matter is,
YOU.
ARE.
NOT.
GOOD.
ENOUGH.
FOR.
US.

I mean, why even try in the first place?
You’ve been rejected twenty times before,
So why did you think things would be different this time?

Oh…
You were told to keep trying, huh?
By your parents?
Friends?
Teachers?
Tutor maybe?

Well FUCK THEM AND LISTEN TO ME.
All you are doing is WASTING YOUR TIME,
Getting yourself down,
On something you already know.
YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
For ANYONE.

More importantly,
You’ve WASTED MY TIME.
Looking through your shit CV,
Shit cover letter,
Talking about your shit life.
I’m done talking to you.
It’s over.

But we REALLY hope that you’ll do well in the future…
(Seriously, just fuck off.
Don’t ever apply to us again.
You’re a waste of oxygen.)

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein (apparently)

Life is great atm :D

Hey… I’m Sorry…

Hey.

I’m really sorry.
I haven’t spoken to you in a while.
The truth is,
I’ve been feeling suicidal.
And I know you don’t really want to talk to me,
When I’m feeling like this.
So I thought it was a good idea,
To keep my distance.

But I still want to talk to you.
And I’ve wanted to talk to you every single day.
It’s just…
I find it really difficult to reach out,
And talk to people.
It’s not you, it’s me.

And I’m sorry I took so long to pick up the courage.
But thank you.
Thank you so much for understanding.

So how was your day :)