My Creative Writing

WIP? – “Some People Deserve To Die”

Alright, please don’t take this title seriously. I’m not a psychopath XD

Basically, I was reading this book called Then She Was Gone by Luca Veste (good book, would recommend), and whilst reading, I had this idea of a story – a vigilante in a local town, who would kill people that have done terrible crimes. Hence the title “Some People Deserve To Die”

And I know it’s probably been done before, and is quite ironic, but I just thought I’d write a little bit and see where it goes. And I might take this further in the future, who knows?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, I know it’s not going to be perfect and it’s quite short, but I’d love to hear some feedback on this, if possible, in ways that I can improve my writing a little :)

Enjoy!


Imagine sitting on a bench at your local park. Or on the high street. Just observing everyone who walks past. Single mums, students, businessmen, et cetera. What do you notice? They’re just normal people, right? Carrying on with their busy, normal lives?

But how do we know they are normal?

The simple answer is we don’t. We just assume everyone is normal. A middle-aged man jogging at a leisurely pace? A group of teens playing house music through a speaker? They’re all equally normal.

But the truth is, “innocent-looking people” are roaming around the street, with their attractive looks and fancy haircuts, with stories so fucked up it would send chills down your spine. Rape. Murder. Terrorism. Yet you wouldn’t bat an eyelid at them if they walked past you. Because they’re normal.

I mean, do you ever wonder how many times you shook hands with a murderer in your lifetime? How many times have you looked a paedophile in the eye in the past month? Do you really know the true side to the friends you talk to every day?

Oh by the way, that middle-aged man I mentioned earlier? He sexually assaulted a fourteen-year-old girl. And the group of teenagers? They brutally murdered a homeless guy in a dark alleyway. Poor man had no chance. Stabbed 13 times in the chest and torso.

You have to realise now that this world is fucking scary. And it’s got to a point where we can’t trust anyone anymore. Your friends, your family… even that little old lady who sits next to you on the bus every day, Are they who they say they are?

But that’s where I step in. I find these people, with their dirty secrets and shocking lies, and expose them for who they really are. I hunt them down and make them pay for the crimes they’ve committed. I want the whole world to realise the pain and suffering innocent people have had to suffer, because of these fuckers.

And yes, when I’m eventually caught, I’ll become one of these people. “Murderer.” “Psycho.” “Mentally insane.” “Messed up in the head.” The media will have a field day with the headlines.

But the truth always comes out.
And soon enough, people will start to realise.
That some people deserve to die.


Honestly, I’m not that bad :D

Matt

Fuck Anxiety.

Maybe I should read a book.
(No. You should be revising for your exam in two weeks. You’ve hardly done any revision over the last few weeks and you’ll fail at this rate.)

Maybe I should revise for my exam.
(Yeah, but you could look for jobs, so you don’t look like a failure and lazy to your family.)

Maybe I should look for jobs.
(What’s the point? You’ll only apply for a job, wait for two days, get the “Sorry, you’re not good enough” email and then cry yourself to sleep, and do the same thing in two weeks.)

Maybe I should talk to friends.
(But they all have busy lives. They all have jobs and relationships and you have fucking nothing. NOTHING. Besides,  they don’t want to talk to you. You’re really awkward to talk to, and you distance yourself from them all of the time. No wonder they never talk to you.)

Maybe I should go for a run, calm myself down.
(But it’s too hot to go for a run. And it’s half term so there are more people around to see you and you could get stabbed or worse someone might laugh at you and then you’ll get upset and then you’ll have a panic attack and you’ll never go running ever again)

Fuck Anxiety.

Anxiety Thoughts

Alright, so I previously wrote this a few days ago, and it was shit. I kinda rushed it, and I thought I would re-write it, and now… it’s slightly better. :)

Short synopsis: A couple of days ago, I felt terrible, and I thought I would try a different way of expressing my actual thoughts and feelings down, onto a piece of paper… now onto my blog. 

Okay…so… I don’t really know how to explain how I’m feeling at the moment, but I’ll try my best…

So I want to go outside and leave the house and talk to my friends, like any normal person would… but I can’t… I can’t do that, because it’s raining and that means I can’t wear my new shoes because I don’t want them to get ruined… and that ruins how I look and already my self-esteem is WAAAAY low even after that course I went on… actually that reminds me… I haven’t updated my panic diary, my positive notebook OR my running diary in the last seven days… fuck.

I suppose I’ll have to stay indoors then… but if I stay indoors, I won’t do anything productive like reading a book, talking to friends or revising… I’ll just sit at my fucking laptop all day staring at a blank wall, watching YouTube videos or playing on my PlayStation CONTEMPLATING WHY MY LIFE IS SO SHIT, BECAUSE I KEEP DOING THE EXACT SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN EXPECTING SHIT TO CHANGE EVEN THOUGH IT WILL NEVER CHANGE BECAUSE. I. KEEP. MAKING. THE. SAME. FUCKING. MISTAKES. AND. NEVER. LEARN. FROM. THEM!

alright… I’m calm… it’s good to get things off your chest every now and again… breathe… 3/5… remember…

Maybe it’s a good idea I’m staying in… fuck knows what could happen if my friends see me like this… no doubt I’d have some mental breakdown in front of them and have a panic attack, or say something completely stupid… and then I’d come home crying, because going out was a mistake, and I’d never want to leave the house EVER AGAIN.

Fuck it, maybe I should go and write something to put on my blog, or that book that I won from the Goodreads giveaway, which is sitting on my bookshelf (Crime Song by David Swindon – review coming soon :D)

No… I can’t… I can’t concentrate… I can’t focus on anything apart from going out I want to go out BUT I CAN’T… I want to talk to my best friend but she left me on read about 229 minutes ago on Snapchat but now I’m worried because all I asked was how her exam went and she’s not replying… so that means A) she’s busy, or B) she’s crying and doesn’t want to talk to me because her exam went terrible and I upset her OH GOD OH GOD… I can’t read or revise because all of these thoughts are giving me a headache I can’t concentrate…

So now, I’M SAT HERE wondering WHAT I CAN DO WITH MYSELF TO DISTRACT ME FROM THESE THOUGHTS… AND IT’S KILLING ME BECAUSE I’M DOING NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND I NEED TO BE DOING SOMETHING AND I CANT AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE AGAIN!!!

3/5… 3/5…. 3/5… 3/5… 3/5…

i suppose this is normal for me nowadays, to feel like this… lost… hopeless… depressed… a failure… a waste of space/time/money/oxygen… suicidal… and it seems so long ago when I felt normal… like I’m not some passenger in my own body, or someone who feels disconnected from their emotions…

Seriously, how the fuck did I become like this? How is it that everything can go from :) to :( in a matter of hours? At what point does your mind go “Enough of this shit, I WANNA BE SAAAAD. Let’s think about how you’re a failure in life and ways to commit suicide” when you’re full of confidence?  Because a few hours ago, I could achieve anything I wanted to… I could go to town, talk to friends, even climb a fucking mountain if I wanted to, but now… sending ‘hey’ to someone on Snapchat is like climbing Mount Everest… 

I will never understand my own anxiety… but one thing I do understand is that I fucking hate it… and I want things to be normal again… I want to be like the old Matt again… but then I question whether that’s even possible anymore…

Fuck this is getting too deep. I should probably stop now.

All It Takes

You can have an amazing few weeks,
Where you finally feel like things are okay.
That you’re not a failure,
You’re not completely fucking useless,
And things are starting to look up for once.
You can achieve anything,
No matter how big or small.

But all it takes,
Is one bad day,
For everything to change.
And your ship starts to sink.
You’re drowning,
In this bottomless sea of troubles,
And negativity,
With no escape route.
And it will take weeks,
Even months,
Before life is great again.

That’s why I’m always anxious when I’m happy.
Because I know,

That something bad is going to happen to me.
It’s inevitable.

Another Day

Another day,
Gone.
Another day,
Where I haven’t spoken to my friends.
I promised myself I would.
In a few minutes…
In a few hours…
Tomorrow.
Which turns into a week later.

But the thing is,
I’m making things worse.
I don’t talk to the people,
Who love me,
Who care about me.

I know,
I’m a piece of shit.

And now,
I’m lonely.
And it’s got to a point,
Where I’m scared to talk to people now.
Scared of sounding awkward,
Scared of having nothing valuable to say,
Scared of saying the wrong thing.

And it’s all because I’ve avoided my friends.

(I deserve this.
It’s all my fault.)

I Should Have Done Things Differently

Looking back at my life,
I realise that even now,
Eighteen years old,
I should have done things differently.
I should have gone out,
Spoken to friends more,
Spent more time with family.

But no.
I didn’t do that.
I did it all wrong.
I fucked it.

It just makes me wonder,
Is it my fault,
That I’m like this?
This empty, emotionless shell?
The remains of this person I used to be?
The old Matt,
Who had so much promise,
So much going for him?

Did I do this to myself,
Because of my actions?

And what if I did things differently?
Would I still feel hopeless,
Down,
Depressed?
Or would I actually be achieving something in life?

I guess I’ll never find out…

 

Job Rejection

Dear Matt,
Thank you for applying for our job.
We appreciate your interest,
We really do.
But the fact of the matter is,
YOU.
ARE.
NOT.
GOOD.
ENOUGH.
FOR.
US.

I mean, why even try in the first place?
You’ve been rejected twenty times before,
So why did you think things would be different this time?

Oh…
You were told to keep trying, huh?
By your parents?
Friends?
Teachers?
Tutor maybe?

Well FUCK THEM AND LISTEN TO ME.
All you are doing is WASTING YOUR TIME,
Getting yourself down,
On something you already know.
YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
For ANYONE.

More importantly,
You’ve WASTED MY TIME.
Looking through your shit CV,
Shit cover letter,
Talking about your shit life.
I’m done talking to you.
It’s over.

But we REALLY hope that you’ll do well in the future…
(Seriously, just fuck off.
Don’t ever apply to us again.
You’re a waste of oxygen.)

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein (apparently)

Life is great atm :D