There’s this sub-Reddit called r/writingprompts, and normally, I don’t write any of these prompts, but this one caught my eye. ‘Write to your younger self a letter that you wished you received when you needed it the most’. Probably because I connected with this personally, and there’s so much that I would change about my life. I don’t know.
I know you’re not in the mood for reading this, and that your mind is elsewhere at the moment, but this is really important. So please take five minutes of your time, whether it’s at night when you have some time to yourself, or if you’re taking a quick break from sorting out Nan’s stuff. Please.
I know you might think that this will be the hardest moment of your life. You’ve just had school prom, you thought everything was great, you were quietly confident, and then this happens. But I promise that your Nan will be the least of your worries in the next year. Yes, there’ll be times where you break down during that time, and Christmas will never be the same again, but it will get easier to cope with bereavement.
However, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt over the last 18 months, it’s this: PLEASE DON’T PRETEND THAT YOU’RE OKAY WHEN YOU’RE NOT. If you’re hurt, upset… please talk to your friends, family, teachers in college, someone who will listen. Reach out to someone. You have amazing family and friends, who will help you every step of the way, and you’ll be thankful that they were there for you. It sounds scary, but it’s worth it. Trust me.
Or, you can do what I did, and keep it all to myself. You’ll regret it. Because my life is so fucked right now. I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for about six months now, and it’s got to a point where I can’t leave the house without having a panic attack, or I’ll stay up late at night with all of my worries and suicidal thoughts, and how everybody would be better off that you weren’t around. It’s difficult being positive and a nice person, whilst having dreams of jumping off a bridge or overdosing that night. And I can’t even talk to my friends anymore, without the fear of sounding awkward. They probably all hate me by now – I haven’t properly spoken to them in months. I don’t blame them. I’m so a cunt.
You probably didn’t want to read that now. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated about my life, that I just vent my anger onto the page. It’s kind of my way of coping with it all. My only way.
Look, I’m not trying to scare you with all this. I just want you to make the right choices, the right decisions in your life. Sp please, listen to your family and friends. Reach out. Get out of the house – go out with friends with every opportunity that you get. Do everything that will make your life more enjoyable than mine. Please.
I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I did, and 18 months later, you’ll look back at your amazing life, instead of wishing you did things differently.
This will probably be the last time you’ll hear from me again. Just… promise that you’ll do the right thing for once. Don’t fuck your life up.
Good luck out there mate.
– Your future self.
P.S. The EuroMillions lottery numbers for the 21st are 4, 16, 18, 43, 47 and the star balls are 6 and 10. You’re welcome.