I haven’t eaten lunch at college,
For the fourteenth day straight.
As I try to balance everything,
From my homework to my weight.
And as I sit in the library,
I start asking myself why I’m alone.
As everyone around me is talking to their friends,
While I’m the only one sat on my own.
Trying desperately to look down at my phone,
Even though there’s nothing there.
But that’s the thing, you see.
The only time I speak to my friends now,
Is the casual ‘You Alright?’ in the hall,
So maybe that’s why I’ve started to punch walls.
It seems like my friends has just forgotten me,
And now I’m just some distant memory.
Is that what I am now?
Someone that people used to know?
Or maybe it’s because of my depression,
That people are trying to avoid me?
I don’t blame them, to be honest.
And while I’m sat here,
With my college thoughts,
And eyes full of tears,
I’m writing this instead of living life.
Meeting new people.
Meeting new friends.
And maybe finding my future wife.
But I can’t do that shit.
BecauseI’m tangled in my college work,
And I can’t break free from it.
“Yeah, but you need those A’s”,
But when I look at my grades,
Right next to the blood-stained blades,
I’ll ask myself “Was the pain really worth it?”
Because I feel like I’m trying to impress other people.
Everyone but myself,
And these heavy expectations is taking its toll,
Especially on my mental health.
I feel sick,
I feel tired,
I feel broken,
And I’m struggling to keep on top of things already,
I feel like college is literally going to kill me.