All Posts, book-reviews

Book Review: In A Cottage In A Wood by Cass Green

The ‘Boring’ Book Info:

Book Title: “In A Cottage In A Wood” by Cass Green
IBSN: 9780008248956
Published: September 2017
Book Publisher: Harper Collins
Pages: 314

I must admit, In A Cottage In A Wood was something that I’ve wanted to read in a while. I’ve seen it around on Goodreads, and it sounded really interesting.

The story starts with thirty-year-old Neve, who wakes up in a hotel room after a one-night stand with a man – who claimed to be in London for a conference. Feeling ‘shit-faced’, tired, and the prospect that she’ll get a lecture from her sister, she heads home and walks across Waterloo Bridge.

From there, she has a surprise encounter with a girl named Isabelle on the bridge, wearing nothing but a black dress. In the short time they speak, Isabelle hands Neve a brown envelope – a “gift” – before jumping to her death into the Thames. A few days later, Neve was told by the police that Isabelle had sewn lead tape into the hem of her dress, causing her to sink quicker.

With increased tension with her sister and brother-in-law, plus with the fact that her life has essentially gone to pieces, she receives a letter from the police to visit her solicitors ‘in her interest’, where she goes and finds out some shocking news; the woman she saw commit suicide has given her the gift of a cottage in Cornwall.

This seems like the PERFECT opportunity to all of her problems – she can leave London, live on her own and soon enough, she can sell it on the market and gain extra money and solve her financial issues.

However, when she arrives at the property, she realises, with horror, that this isn’t the pretty little cottage she had in her mind. There’s bars on all of the windows. A dead magpie lives on the doorstep. There are multiple locks on the door. Everything about this sinister-looking building is screaming “Sell the house as fast as you can. Then GET OUT OF THERE”

And it appears she’s not the only one who wants her to leave…

But before she sells, Neve wants to find out more about Isabelle. Who was she? What is her past? What caused her to jump off the bridge that December? And why was Neve the ‘chosen one’ for the house?

 

With In a Cottage In a Wood, I was expecting a non-stop psychological thriller, where there is constant suspense and tension throughout – and with it being it a short book, I was expecting it to be finished it with four or five hours, and be like “OMG THIS WAS FUCKING INTENSE AND INSANE”

However, whilst I was reading this, I thought “Hang on. This is more of a mystery than a thriller… oh. :/”. Which is fine, if that’s the kind of books you like reading.

But, I wasn’t expecting a ‘slow-burner’ mystery that only got exciting towards the last thirty pages. Sure, there were little moments throughout the book that made it a little interesting – but I just felt like it wasn’t enough to keep me engaged.

As far as ending’s go, it was great at tying loose ends together, even if I may have suspected the potential plot twist towards the middle of the book (well, I got one out of two – does that count? 50% is a pass, right?! :D).

 

I don’t know, maybe I was expecting something different or had my expectations set too high. However, if you’re looking for a slow-burner mystery where it all becomes clear at the end, this is the book for you. If you’re expecting an edge-of-your-seat psychological thriller with an extra side dish of horror like myself, then I’d suggest reading something else.

Overall review: 4/10

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All Posts, mental-health, poetry

Time Machine (Find Out)

I wish I’ll get the chance to do things differently.
Go back in time two or three years.
Back to a time where things were easier.
Without any bad days or sad tears.
You see,
A few years ago, I received a letter,
A friend telling me things were gonna get better, I
Ignored what they said,
Now I’m sat here wishing I was dead,
I wanna know when it all changed?
When my thoughts became crazy and deranged?
But I guess we’ll never find out,
I guess I’ll never get to find out.

 

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but if I had the opportunity to go back in time, start all over again… I would.

You know, I’m currently nineteen, I have no clear direction, and I know I sound like a broken record (because I say this to myself hundreds of times), but I genuinely have nothing.

Maybe in five years time, that stance/opinion I have right now on my life would change. It’s just… right now, I’ve felt like I’ve done everything wrong. Like I’ve wasted my life and don’t know how to change it.

And maybe I wouldn’t be… well, like this anymore.

Photo Credit: @TheDigitalArtist

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All Posts, mental-health, poetry

A Really Depressing & SAD Thought

As I sit down to write this poem,
struggling to see the lines of the page (I wrote this out before typing)
as the natural light hides behind some nearby houses,
I come to the terrifying conclusion.

The nights are getting darker.

And now I won’t be able to rest easy,
to shake this from my mind.
The thought that every day,
the days will get a *little* shorter,
nighttime is slowly creeping from the shadows
a minute or two earlier from usual,
day by day.

And now,
I’m going to be staring out of the window every night,
watching the sunlight dissipate from my eyes,
paranoid as I start counting down the sunrise time,
from now until December.

Photo source: @Myriams-Fotos

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All Posts, mental-health, poetry

A White Lie

I look towards
the grey sky,
tell a white lie,
“It’ll be okay”,
I
Cross a line through
thoughts that are mine,
but never say.

I can feel it,
My life slowly slipping
Away from me.
And on the dark days,
mind ablaze,
I see the life I’ll never see

I’m useless,
I’m hopeless,
My mind has spoken, it tells me
My dreams are smashed,
Can’t be fixed, now broken
And it’s too late, to think straight,
My future in question, as I
lose my way on the highway
in the State of Depression.

(Photo credit: @jnusch)

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All Posts, life, poetry

Things I Am Scared Of

Tarantulas.
Heights.
Roller-coasters.
Going at fast speeds
Bees.
Wasps.
Job interviews.
Loud noises.
People.
People talking to me.
Maintaining a conversation with someone.
Saying the wrong thing.
Coming across as “socially awkward”
Growing older.
Suicidal thoughts.
Going to busy places.
Applying for jobs.
Loneliness.
The feeling of not living life to its full potential.
Social media.
Rejection.
Falling in love with someone (who doesn’t love me back)
Asking for help (when I need it the most)
Becoming homeless.
Being laughed at.
Death.

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All Posts, life, mental-health

I need to stop comparing myself to others.

Or, more specifically, I need to stop going on social media on the weekends.

You know, there’s only so many Instagram and Snapchat stories (of people going on nights out, socialising with friends and doing fun shit, going to work and complaining about it, etc) I can watch before I start to feel terrible about myself.

And it’s just not helping me get better.

I sound like a broken record at this point, as I’ve mentioned this about a thousand times by now, but I genuinely do have nothing at this point. I have no purpose. At least when I went to college last month, I had a reason to wake up. Now, however…

I mean, it’s not like I’m not trying. In the past week and a half, I’ve applied to six different jobs. Haven’t heard anything back yet.

^^ OH, LIKE THAT’S A FUCKING SURPRISE! HAHAHA! ^^

So there’s me, who’s not getting anywhere in life. And then there’s all my friends, who are complete polar opposites to me.

It just makes you think “what’s the fucking point in doing anything anymore?”

And the same thing happens every. single. weekend. rinse. and. repeat.

 

So THAT’S why I need to stop comparing myself to others. Or, more specifically, I need to stop going on social media on the weekends. Because it’s not healthy.

 

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All Posts, life, mental-health

“It’s Lying to You.”

Those four words.

I see these posted everywhere, particularly social media – Twitter, Reddit, you name it.

In fact, I’m 100% positive I’ve heard MYSELF say it to someone.

And in a way, it’s become a default phrase that people tend to use – when someone is really struggling, having a relapse or a breakdown, or feel like there’s no will to carry on with life.

In a way, it’s almost synonymous to when people say “Things will get better.” It’s reassuring, and is exactly what someone like me would want someone to say to me during a difficult time. You start to believe that things “can only go up”, even if for some people, things never do improve. (And that’s not just me being cynical – for some people, life DEFINITELY doesn’t get any better)

However, when someone says “It’s lying to you”, it’s implying that what is going up *in there* is an entirely different entity to what actually happens – i.e. “You’re overthinking. What your mind is saying won’t happen. I promise.”

And for the most part, I’d agree. What I think in my head is completely different to real life.

But sometimes what we think can become reality.

Let me give you an example. Just over a month ago, I wrote a poem titled “My Biggest Fear“, which revolves around the theme around my fear of loneliness, and that now that I’ve left college, I’m going to isolate myself from my friends and never talk to anyone again and become a lonely, emotional mess.

Fast forward a month, and I’m quite possibly the loneliest I’ve felt in a long while. I’m going through another mental health relapse. I can’t sleep (hence this post at 1am in the morning). I feel like a failure – no job, no potential. I have nothing. I feel absolutely shit about life. I feel anger, even over the smallest of things.

And now I’m sat here, thinking “I called it. I called this a month ago, and I knew it was happening. I could see it. I felt it. So my brain WASN’T lying to me then? And why didn’t I do anything about it?”

 

All I’m suggesting is that maybe we shouldn’t just “disregard” our thoughts so easily. If we have a thought that seems like it could happen, make note of it. Do something about it that prevents it from happening.

If that makes sense (I’ve got no idea, to be honest; I’m so sleep-deprived and got no idea if I’m making any kind of sense)

 

Yeah, I think I just need to sleep.

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